What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

Long pause, OK. (Inaudible talking). Could you hang on for just a sec?

Is your number (xxx) xxx-xxxx??

No sir I sure don't, I live in the next city over.

Why did you put a guy’s dick in your mouth the first time?

Hi this is Sargent Moss from the County detention center. Is this Sean?

ATTENTION SPIKES UP. What could he want with me? Did I do something wrong? Lord did I forget to pay something? Questions start flying through my head. What would the detention center sheriff want with me?

HELLO

What does it mean when we dream about demons, ghosts, monsters, etc.?

I was trying to reach out to you because we have a Mr X here, who claims you are his legal guardian. He needs you to come down and sign some forms.

Whew, not in trouble!! But someone named Sean with a similar number is apparently about to have a rather bad day.

I'm sorry to bother you, my staff just told me our guy corrected his information and had a number off for his home phone. Have a good day. Hangs up.

What are the best mattress options for a comfortable night's sleep in Pompano Beach?

Do you reside at 1234 X X Lane?

{RING} {RING}

Sure no problem officer.

Who was the guy that had sex with the AIDS monkey?

I hear a pause on the line, it goes quiet for a few seconds.

After a few moments he returns.

Yes sir it is.

Why is my crush beautiful to me but not to others?

Looks at phone, sees a number local to me, so I answered.

Do what? Officer, I'm sorry I have no kids of my own, and I don't know anybody by that name.